” Sometimes I envision myself talking to my future son who may never exist and I’m lying to him trying to preserve the ignorance known as innocence. I tell him of all the beauty of the world in its utmost splendor when I myself know that it plagued by nothing but horrors. As I lie to him while the blocks he plays with tumble and roll, I feel my heart getting heavier. Thats my souls way of letting me know that what I am doing is wrong but still I continue to deceive him so. I tell him of how precious life is and how it shouldn’t be taken for granted even though I’ve wanted to end mine for years due to my inescapable depression and unhappiness. He looks at me puzzled, eyes glowing brilliantly against the illuminated backdrop of his playroom. He asks me ” Dad, what’s wrong, why are you crying?” Unbeknownst to me, tears have been falling from my eyes since our conversations beginning with the ferocity of a tsunamis waves. I tell him nothings wrong but his eyes tell another story, with flames of worry glowing in his eyes. I tell him that there is no need to worry about me because I’ll always be by your side, helping guide you to be the best man you can be and I force out a smile to fight back the tears. The glow of worry fades from his eyes and he continues to play and listen unaware of the struggles he’ll face when he’s older. The struggle to wake up everyday just to know that things won’t change. The struggle of living each day having each one feel more meaningless than the last. The struggle of living knowing that the different is shunned and destroyed and conformity is embraced. The biggest struggle he’ll live with is knowing that his father lied to him in order to preserve the ignorance known as innocence within him so that he’ll learn to be his own man through his own life experiences. If resentment and hate is what I gain in order to preserve the luster of childhood in him a little while longer then thats okay, as long our bonds sacrifice is not in vain. As I get up to leave and wipe the dried tears from my eyes he runs to me and hugs me. He tells me he “loves me” in his cute baby voice and says ” I wanna be great just like you.” I tell him I’m not great and he says ” your a fibber daddy.” I ask him why he says this and he tells me ” I wanna learn to be great by watching someone great and to me thats you and if it wasn’t true then you wouldn’t have endured the horrors of this world for so long daddy.” Then at that moment as we walk downstairs hand in hand smiling to greet his mother coming home from a hard days work I realize our bond is safe and that my child is a rare gem, rarer than the biggest and brightest diamond because my son is not innocent, he’s better than that, he’s aware….” - Me - Excerpt from my short stories